4th of July

"Warning: 4th of July remains an attractive target for active threats of violent extremist acts by Syrian based ISIS members."  ABC News

When I read this news warning my first thought was fear and I wanted to call my son who lives and works in Philadelphia, and warn him to be careful.  Then I had a second thought that this would only provoke anxiety and not be very helpful. Unfortunately, the people who believe in the ISIS cause have no fear and are willing to risk their lives for their religious belief. The irony of this is that I like many others are fighting cancer to save our lives while others have no respect for human life.
I concluded that like many Americans during this holiday weekend I need to be aware of the threat but not allow ISIS to win by living in fear.
I hope the threat of terrorism does not take away the importance of our right to celebrate our independence and freedom.  I also hope that ISIS can be kept at a safe distance from the United States and be kept from causing more harm and fear to other parts of the world.

Guilt

"Guilt is cancer.  Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wall.  It's a thief."    Dave Grohl

When I go to my weekly cancer support meetings I realize I tend to feel guilt over the fact that many of the other cancer patients with stage 3 or 4 cancer, like myself, are having more pain and suffering than me.  I get very upset when I hear someone who was struggling with cancer does not survive.  Frequently I feel why am I surviving when others are suffering so much.  I feel sadness and feel an inability to enjoy life while others are suffering.
The advice I have been given by others is that survival guilt is common with many cancer patients and that some days can be worse than others and that it's ok to feel this guilt.  I have been working on finding gratitude in my daily life by looking at the good and not about the pain and suffering of others.  I also try to express small acts of kindness to others even if it is a simple hug or smile.  I may need that same act of kindness myself one day.  I hope if anyone reading this feels this kind of survival guilt that they look to gratitude in place of sadness and depression.

Cruel minds

"Murders are not monsters, they're men.  And that's the most frightening thing about them."   Alice Sebold, author "The Lovely Bones"


It was so disheartening to hear about the murders of the nine people at the AME church in Charleston, South Carolina.  It hard to comprehend how the young man responsible for the crime, had his mind poisoned so severely that he could committed such a heinous act.
The only positive thing that I felt resulted from this crime was the reaction of the relatives of the victims who were able to find forgiveness in their hearts.  It made me believe that not the whole world is a bad and cruel place.  The relatives wanted to let the murderer know that he did not win.
My heart goes out to the families and friends of victims and that it must be terribly hard to find forgiveness.  It also reminds me that a positive outlook can help ease the pain of this tragedy.  More people in the world should learn from this act of forgiveness in order for hatred not to win.  

Milestones

"Life isn't a matter of milestones but moments."
Rose Kennedy

Yesterday the youngest of my nieces and nephews graduated from high school.  This event got me thinking about all the milestones that we reach in life, like graduating from college, getting married, having children and so further.  It occurred to me that all of these milestones are really only moments that accumulate into a person's life journey.  It's just by putting on foot in front of the other.
This got me thinking of how my cancer journey is a similar journey.  I realized that I should make a timeline of my cancer journey, marking all the good and bad things that have happened to me including test results and lab reports.  In doing this I feel I would see more positive moments than negative ones.  I feel it would help me on those days when I felt bad, scared, or sad.  I could see that this is a journey like any other with it's ups and downs.  It's just putting one foot in front of the other that I will get through to the other side.

Compassion

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.  Without them humanity cannot survive.    Dalai Lama

At my cancer support group this week there was a general discussion about how compassion helps improve positive emotions that help minimize chronic pain from cancer and other long term illnesses.
Compassion has been shown to open our minds and hearts.  According to science studies by researcher Emma Speppla, compassion makes us happier, healthier and even more attractive.  She further offers that goodwill, kindness and warmth towards others are very basic emotions to us. A simple smile or a simple hello to a stranger can improve your attitude and can promotes positive emotions.
The consensus of the discussion was that compassion when in the presence of love is a naturally occurring event.  Compassion can be compromised, however, when evil is also present.  Most people tend to show less compassion for others when they let evil prevail over love. For the average individual, most humans overlook the good in people when that person has been involved in what they perceive as an evil act.
After thinking about this, I have decided that I am also guilty of this lack of compassion for others before I known the whole story.  I am going to work on acting out of love and compassion.  I hope others that read this will do the same.  The world can be a better place because of this act of compassion. I feel for me it will also aid in the healing process that my body is going through with cancer.

WIN!

"I positive result is a score in the win column."

Today I got great news from my doctor.  My PET scan showed no new growth in my cancer.  I still have an active cancer in my right breast and cancer in several locations of my bones, but there has been no change in six months.  My doctor felt that it was a win that the cancer is not spreading.  I still have stage four cancer but it is stable.  He feels that the new treatment that includes my fasdex injection are doing it's job.  I may still have to go through additional radiation treatment but it is much better than the alternative.
I firmly agree that a positive mind set helps reduce stress and keep me in the path to survival.  For anyone dealing with cancer I offer you hope and strength that you can live with cancer at any stage.  My prayers and thoughts are with others in the fight of their life, that they find courage and strength in the success's of other cancer patients.

Rainy Days and Mondays

"Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothin' ever seems to fit
Hangin' around, nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down....."
Song Lyrics from "Rainy Days and Sundays", by the Carpenters

Well it's a very rainy Monday here in the northeast.  That song by the Carpenters always makes me smile because it seems so true.  Today is a great day to make a cup of tea and snuggle up in a blanket and a good book.
We really need the rain up here because we are experiencing a slight draught.  The rain is also a good sight because I planted my tomato plants and herbs outside this weekend. These events remind me that there is a silver lining in most unpleasant things in life and that when something catches my attention, there is usually a lesson that I need to learn. I am going to take this rainy day as a chance to slow down and regroup waiting for the sunshine to reappear!

Butterfly

As we approach the beginning of summer, I would like to share this "Advise From a Butterfly."

Let your true colors show
  Get out of your cocoon
     Take yourself lightly
Look for the sweetness in life
Take time to smell the flowers
         Catch a breeze
We can't all be monarchs!
                                  Llan Shamir

Wishing everyone a great week and Happy Flag Day!
                                 

Timeout

"Whenever we feel overwhelmed by the amount that needs to be done, or caught up in a moment of anger or worry, we need to take time out for peace of mind."
Robert Alan Silverstein

Timeout is a good thing.  About 15 years ago I owned a 60 child day care center and it was our daily practice of using a timeout chair for children fighting fear, anger or any other emotion, in order for the child to regain a sense of quiet and peace.  Most times it was all the child needed to regroup and start over.  This simple lesson has helped me achieve wonderful results when dealing with cancer.
I try to live my daily life in a way that keeps me from getting carried away with worries, fear, or anger.  I do that by trying to meditate or a simple timeout.  This Saturday I am scheduled to get my six month PET scan, which traces signs of new cancer in my body.  I tend to get very anxiety when I get this test taken.  This is the time I need to stop for a moment, take a deep breath, count to ten and pause, refocus and restore balance.  For others dealing with the daily fears and worries of cancer, take a ten minute time out.  I hope this will help you like it helps me.

Life is good

I saw this letter today and thought is was worth sharing.

Dear God,
I did not sleep well last night,
but I did wake up.
My muscles are sore,
but they work.
My wallet is not full,
but my belly is.
I may not have all I want,
but I have all I need.
My life is not perfect,
but my life is Good.
Thank you!  It is time to be grateful and count my blessings.

Death and Love

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
Richard Puz, From an Irish headstone

This weekend I watched the funeral procession for Beau Biden, the son of Vice President Joe Biden, who died of brain cancer last week. As I watched I realized that Beau had been snatched from life  too soon and that I was feeling so much pain in the heart of his family and friends which little comfort could be offered to avoid the hurt. It also made me face my own mortality and accept the knowledge that my time on earth is so brief.  With this fact I also realized that I needed to develop a passion for being alive. I began to accept that I had an unconscious level of frantic fear of death. Given the fact that I was suffering with stage four cancer, I know my fears were very real and that I needed to accept that I too was a leaf that will fall off the tree of life.
It does help to know that I am not alone in this fear and that no one knows how time each person has. I know that my fear is based on my thoughts that I will be forgotten as will all the people a love and care for.  I remind myself the memories I create in this life will make an everlasting impression that can't be forgotten.
Today I offer this challenge to draw from my faith that the afterlife promised by Christ will make the thoughts and fear  of death lose it's power.  I also  challenge myself to live each moment like it is my last moment on earth and to be grateful for all that I have.

Fear

"If you live in fear of the future because of what happened in your past, you'll end up losing what you have in the present."    Unknown

I like most people let fear roam my mind at will.  In India there is a metaphor comparing fear in the mind to a wild elephant, and calming the fear is said to be like tying the elephant to a stake. I have found that meditating helps me to calm my mind to accept fear and transcend it to a higher awareness that is beyond the impulsive tendency of the mind.
I first sit in a calm, quite area where there are few outside stimulus. I start by thinking of a quite thought like the waves of the ocean, some people find music to be helpful.  I prefer just the quite sound of stillness.  I remind myself to give up the noise in my head and focus on the channel of peace that I want to obtain.  Slowly tell you mind that all is well in the world and that there is nothing to fear, I am safe. Continue this mantra for several minutes while you concentrate on your breathing.  For me ten minutes of this stillness where I escape the madness of the world, allows me to give up control.
I start everyday by mediating and I have found that I have less panic or fear attacks. There are many books and tapes which are available to help you start and maintain a meditation routine.  I strongly recommend these methods to help you get started.

Courage

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand.  It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what."
Harper Lee,  To Kill a Mockingbird

I was very upset when I read that Caitlyn Jenner was to be Honored with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the 2015 ESPYS July 15, 2015 ceremony.  40 years ago Bruce Jenner's Olympic success came as a result of both mind and body strength as the world's greatest athlete. People felt at the time he showed alot of courage.  Coming out transgender took a different kind of courage.  In my opinion it was more of a personal advantage of courage to stand for what he thought was in his best interest. This action has also caused hurt and pain to his immediate family which he could have spared by not making it so public.
Caitlyn Jenner was picked ahead of Lauren Hill and Noah Galloway. Lauren Hill was a college basketball player who raised money to fight cancer before dying from cancer just recently. She worked endlessly to raise money to help people with cancer and for the cause, while continuing her college basketball career.
Noah Galloway  lost most of his left arm and leg as a solider in Iraq, then went on to become a distance runner, personal trainer, motivational speaker and recent 3rd finisher on "Dancing With the Stars".  Both of these latter candidate did these acts of courage without complete personal gain.
I don't under estimate the courage that Caitlyn Jenner went through to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I also feel Laureen and Noah's fight may have been less selfish.

Love

"You know, folks, my dad used to have an expression. He'd say, 'A father knows he's a success when he turns at his son or daughter and knows that they turned out better than he did. 'I'm a success; I'm a hell of a success; Beau I love you. I'm so proud of you.  I'm so proud of the son you've become; I'm proud so proud of the father you are"
Joe Biden at the 2008 Democratic National Convention.

When I heard about the death of Beau Biden,46, the son of Vice President Joe Biden, I teared up.  I can not even imagine the hurt and suffering of having to bury your own child.  The hardest point is that Joe Biden buried his first wife and daughter from a car accident when he was 30 years old.  My heart bleeds for the pain he and his family must feel.
Beau Biden, died of brain cancer, which he was dealing with since 2013.  In 2014, he was told after surgery to remove a brain tumor, that he was cancer free and then to have the cancer reappear this year.  It makes me wonder how much you can believe about a doctors opinion about the state of your cancer and also how strong the cancer cells really are.  As I have shared, I am dealing with stage four cancer that has spread to my bones.  I receive hormone treatment now after receiving chemo and radiation three years ago. I worry all the time how much the cancer is growing and try to keep a positive attitude about my future. I get monthly checks on my cancer numbers and have had good news most of the time.  I have to remind myself everyday that I only have today and to make the best of my life.
This news of Beau Biden brings reality to my world of dealing with cancer.  I woke up this morning and was thankful for another day and decided to make it a great day! Again my sympathy goes out to the Biden family and pray they receive the strength to get through this very hard time.

Injuries

"Write your injuries in dust, your benefits in marble."    Benjamin Franklin

"The more injuries you get, the smarter you get."    Mikhail Bryshnikov

When I heard about the broken femur that John Kerry, Sec. of the State, had sustained in a bike riding event this weekend, I immediately remembered two years ago having the same injury while I was weeding my flower garden.
My fall that had caused the injury was a result of the stage four breast cancer that I had just learned I had.  Unfortunately the cancer had spread to my bones and I had a tumor on my femur bone that had eaten away a large percentage of the bone.  At the time I had received chemo and radiation for the tumor but was unaware of the extent of the damage to the bone.  When I fell it was just hard enough to shatter the bone.  Luckily a neighbor heard me yell and dialed 911 immediately.  I was airlifted to the nearest hospital for emergency surgery.
When I heard about Sec. of State Kerry's injuries my heart went out to him because I remember the hard six months of pain and suffering to rehab my leg until I was able to stand and put a little weight on it.  It was a long road of patience and endurance to recover.
I still have the cancer but the bone was removed and replaced with a rod, bolts and plates.  Today I still walk with a slight limp but it would have been worse if the cancer had continued to grow and could have caused me to lose my leg all together. This chapter in my life may have been difficult but what I am ever so grateful for is the silver lining in the cloud! Best Wishes for a speedy recovery to John Kerry