Guilt

"Guilt is cancer.  Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wall.  It's a thief."    Dave Grohl

When I go to my weekly cancer support meetings I realize I tend to feel guilt over the fact that many of the other cancer patients with stage 3 or 4 cancer, like myself, are having more pain and suffering than me.  I get very upset when I hear someone who was struggling with cancer does not survive.  Frequently I feel why am I surviving when others are suffering so much.  I feel sadness and feel an inability to enjoy life while others are suffering.
The advice I have been given by others is that survival guilt is common with many cancer patients and that some days can be worse than others and that it's ok to feel this guilt.  I have been working on finding gratitude in my daily life by looking at the good and not about the pain and suffering of others.  I also try to express small acts of kindness to others even if it is a simple hug or smile.  I may need that same act of kindness myself one day.  I hope if anyone reading this feels this kind of survival guilt that they look to gratitude in place of sadness and depression.