Anger

"Don't hold on to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love."   Leo F. Buscaglia, Inspirational Author

With all the turmoil that they are facing in Baltimore, it's hard to let go of the anger, hurt and pain the people of this city are fighting against. I am sure many of the people of Baltimore feel trapped in fear that uncertainty brings.
I lived in Baltimore for nine months when I was in a co-op educational program in college.  My daughter graduated college in Baltimore two years ago so I feel I have an enlightened understanding of the people and city of Baltimore.  They are a very diverse culture that prides itself on the arts, theater, and history.  I am sure that the darkness of the riots make many of the problems the people are feeling become distorted. Hatred and anxiety loom larger than life and disorganized energy is a result, like the looting that occurred at the CVS pharmacy.
I believe that the people of Baltimore will come through this turmoil and the pain will  lessen and eventually heal.  It seems only reasonable that panic attacks will be felt by most citizens and the energy has to be bring into the light to diffuse it.  I also feel that the mother running after her teenage son in the streets, urging him to go home will help pay attention to the need of guidance by the adults in the city who should be setting an example.
There is no fixed answer for the problems of Baltimore and other cities like it but I hope and pray that a response is found that helps heal through insight, compassion, patience and love from others.

Morning Routine

"Thinking about creating my future starts when I wake up every morning...Everyday I find something creative to do with my life to make it worthwhile."
Miles Davis, Jazz Musician

When I wake-up each morning I choose to have a good day or a bad day.  I realize that to have a good life, I must fill it with good days.  Good days to me happen when I accomplish my most important tasks for the day.  Bad days are those that leave me feeling bad because I fail to do anything to advance my most important tasks.  The first thing I do in the morning is write down and organize my personal priorities, doing the most important tasks first.
Studies have shown that eighty percent of people do exactly the opposite.  They organize their days around urgency's and emergencies. They tend to take care of last minute issues that should have been dealt with earlier or help others achieve their goals while ignoring their own.  I find this approach leaves me feeling frustrated and irritable.
Doing first things first is a very simple discipline.  I find it to be a major power and has changed my life immensely.  I also find it's a fast and easy way to turn around my life when I am not happy with the way it is going so far.
These are the rules I follow: 1. I get up early and write a list of the the important tasks I want to accomplish. 2.  I have breakfast, next I dress and do a short stretching exercise and a meditation session of 15-20 minutes. 3. I begin to work on my list of important tasks, crossing each one off as I accomplish it. 4. I continue down my list, taking short breaks in between to allow myself down time. 5. I make time for lunch and run errands as needed.  By the end of the day I review my list and reward myself for all the items I accomplished. (I enjoy a cup of tea and a sweet treat most times)  I make a list for tomorrow of tasks that still need to be accomplished.
I try to do this five days a week and spend the weekend doing fun things!  I feel happier most of the time and feel I have a good life!  Try it and see if it doesn't help.

Daffodil Festival

"If one daffodil is worth a thousand pleasures, then one is too few."
William Wordsworth

Today my husband and I traveled to Meridan, Connecticut for "New Englands Most Beauitful Daffodil Festival". There were an estimated 600,001 daffodils blooming through out a 1800 acre park in Meridan, Connecticut, with 61 different varities.  The display of daffidols are just amazing.  Most people said it was the best display in years. It seems that in recent years the blooms were premature or had already bloomed at the time of the festival.  There were several hundred of art/craft vendors along with Musical Entertainment.  The festival runs both Saturday and Sunday from 10 am to 5 pm.
The weather was just right for an outside event and the ground was dry for a stroll thru the daffidols and the festival.  When I was a child I looked for the blooming of the daffidols as a sign that spring was finally here.  I felt that same childlike feeling today seeing the acres and acres of daffidols.
If you are out for  drive,  look for the daffidols, they are blooming freely along most country roads!

Vacation

"Every person needs to take one day away....Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any of us....Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us." Maya Angelou

This past week I did not blog because I felt like I needed a vacation from the cares of the world.  During this week I did some self indulging in me, like getting a mani/pedi on my fingers and feet, a long over due hair cut, a wonderful birthday visit with my daughter and enjoying a mindless romance novel.  I apologize to anyone who checked my blog and saw no current blogs but it was time I needed and feel everyone deserves every now and then.  I urge anyone who hasn't taken a well deserved time out, to TAKE IT NOW!  It really revitalized me.

Life and Death

"On the night of the murder I was at home, alseep.  The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

Here in New England all the talk is about the conviction of Aaron Hernandez, the ex-Partiot tight end.  It is so hard to understand how an individual would ruin a career and life the way Hernandez did.  I like others with cancer or other life threatening diseases are fight to live, Hernandez have given up a life only most would dream of,
He had a super bowl ring, super bowl winning catch, 47 million dollar contract and a child on the way, to give it all up to prove that he was a gangster.  He took a life and in effect took his own life.  It is so hard to believe that he did not value a great future for a life in prison.  The Boston Globe showed an image of his prison home for life within one mile of Foxboro the home of the Patriots.  People have said that from the recreation pod of the prison, you can heard the cheers of the crowd at the stadium. It's a life of pain and suffering that he choice over joy and love.  I am not sorry for his choices, I only wish I was given a choice between life and death, for this I feel sorry for his family that he choice over them and the family of the victim that will never see him again.  Life is not fair but Hernandez got what he deserves.
I, like many others are fighting to live, shame on Hernandez for his callous regard for life.

Cherry Blossoms

"Unless a tree has borne blossoms in spring, you will vainly look for fruit on it in autumn."  Walter Scott

This is the week that the cherry blossoms are in fully bloom in Japan and Washington D.C.  It is the most beautiful sight to see all those pink blossoms along the Potomac
River.  I worked in Baltimore, Maryland for a short time and was delighted to take the journey to Washington D.C. to stroll along the banks of the river under the cherry blossoms.
When I was a child growing up, we had a cherry tree in our backyard, planted when my younger sister was born. It gave shade in the summertime and beautiful blossoms in the spring. It marked the beginning of spring and reminded me that summer was just around the corner.
The significance of the cherry blossom tree in Japanese culture goes back hundreds of years.  The cherry blossom represents the fragility and the beauty of life. Unfortunately the blossoms are tragically short. Now is the time to get out and enjoy the beauty of the blossoms!

Look good, feel better

"While dealing with cancer every patient need a makeover for the spirit...and that's a beautiful thing!"  American Cancer Society

Today I participated in a program called "Look Good Feel Better".  It's a program offered by the American Cancer Society.  The program helps women manage the appearance related to side effects from chemotherapy and radiation treatment.  This is a hands-on workshop provided by certified cosmetologist who offer makeup, hair, skin, and nail-care tips and advice.
The best part of the program is that all participants receive FREE make-up and skincare tool kits.  All the products are full size name-brand make-up and skincare.
It was a one and half hour workshop where you get to ask an expert about skin and hair changes that cancer treatment can cause.  They also gave advice on head coverings, including, hats, wigs and scarfs.
Registration in advance is required.  To find out where this program is offered in your area, call 1-800-227-2345.
Just as the weather is changing it's a great time to revitalize your appearance! ENJOY!

Rainbow

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. it's learning to dance in the rain."
Unknown

The last two days here in New England have been very deary,  filled with fog, rain and gloom.  My spirit has been low because I have not felt well but I also feel think the weather has not helped.  To my surprise this morning when I woke up I looked out into the horizon and saw a rainbow! Just the sight of it lifted my spirit.
This sight brought comfort to me, as I felt like a leaf falling off the tree making room for spring growth. I realized that only by facing the gloom of the day and seeing the rainbow I began to feel the passion for being alive.
There are days when I don't want to think about pain and cancer, rather I would like to see the rainbow and the hope it brings for rebirth.

Chronic Illness

"Life with a chronic illness is a struggle to say the least.  A struggle to get dressed, look like I'm awake, smile when I want to cry and get up when I want nothing more than to stay in bed and sleep the day away....But I still refuse to sink."

The last couple of days have been both up and down.  I feel stressed and have not felt like blogging.  I believe that my body knows I have five days until I receive my flasdex injection that help block the hormone that allows my breast cancer to growth. It feels like my last shot is wearing off and I am feeling more pain as a result.
I am trying to keep things in perspective.  I am trying to accept that everyday is not the 4th of July and that some days I just don't feel good.  Today is one of those days.
I have decided that is ok not to pretend that all is well.  Tomorrow is another day and I'm sure I will feel better!

Fairy Tales

"Where there is flowers there is hope."
Lady Bird Johnson, First Lady of the United States

Well today I saw the first crocus of the season, leading me to feel hope that spring is on it's way.  I feel the transformation from winter to spring is like a fairy tale where Cinderella is touched by a magic wand and whisked off to the palace as a completed, transformed princess.  In actually that is not realistic but when I saw the crocus I felt that instant transformation of winter to spring.
I believe that true transformation is not a slow, gradual growth but an instant change that happens right before my eyes.  Last week we had snow covering the ground and today there is little signs of the harsh winter we had here in the northeast.
My cancer is also one of those transformations where one day I feel great, healed only to have a bad day where every inch of my body hurts.  I only wish I had that magic wand that transforms me into a healthy specimen.  The reality is that I have to take my cancer one day at a time and believe a better day is coming.  Here is to tomorrow and a fairy tale come true.                                  

Easter

"In your Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it,
You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter parade."
Irving Berlin, "Easter Parade"

Easter is my favorite holiday, one reason is because I was born on Easter Sunday and always thought it was a honor.  Easter is the oldest festival on the Christian calendar and what many associate with the beginning of spring.  For me the other greatest gift of Easter is hope.
In my opinion hope is an essential element for dealing with cancer.  Hope and healthy life choices in my opinion yields benefits in every area of my life.  I have made a decision not to face my problems from fear and just as Jesus showed millions when he sacrificed himself on the crucifix, life can reveal hope.  This is not meant to be a religious blog about Jesus, but a blog about the hope that I feel results when your mind and spirit is aligned in the same light.
What every you religious or atheist belief you may have, I wish you hope and peace in a world that has a lot of hate and fear.  Happy Spring!

Code of Conduct

"All beings want to be happy. Yet finding happiness is often not as simple as it appears."  Dalai Lama of Tibet

Today I went to my weekly cancer support group at the library.  The topic of the day was about the will to live and the reasons why we really wanted to live.  The narrator of the group was a clinical therapist who explained her thoughts about how to prolong your life while fighting cancer.  An important point she made was that it is natural for most people to resist death but while fighting cancer it is also natural to feel depressed and lacking at times to want to go on fighting with the  pain, stress and exhaustion.  She also pointed out that people seek happiness in many different was, yet the desired result frequently remains elusive. Most people look to their jobs, children, relationships or a hundred others places for fulfillment and happiness. These solutions may work for at least a short time, however, the long term affect lies in finding your deeper needs, priorities and true purpose in life.  Not an easy task for most of us.
The exercise she gave us was to write down a list of how we want to be remember when you are gone.  At first this seemed a little morbid but once I started writing my list I began to see that I had good intentions but need to work harder to achieve this list. This is my list:
1. Someone who was trustworthy
2. A good mother, wife, sister and friend
3. Someone who could laugh at themselves
4. Someone who was compassionate
5. A women who true to her word and committed to her word as her bond
6. A caring human who is generous with my time
7. A good listener
8. Someone who has a good sense of humor.
This was a good exercise for me and I urge other to try it.  I know where I can improve and where some of these things can help me find happiness.